Most of us have had to experience heart break. Along side the death of a loved one it is probably one of the hardest experiences you will ever have to go through.
Recently having gone through heart break myself I can say without hesitation it is something I would not want to experience myself.
Having said that, it happened and I got through it.
Most heart breaks normally come crashing into your life completely unexpectedly. Perhaps you were turning a blind eye to some red flags or some unacceptable behaviours in your previous partner (I know I was, sigh) because you were in love and didn’t want to give up on something you had put so much of yourself into.
But one argument tipped things over the edge and just like that, over.
Now you go through all of the motions. Shock, denial, desperation, exasperation, more denial, acceptance, grief, anger and so on until you think your broken body cannot take anymore.
Below are 6 tips to help you focus on getting through the rough waters and onto better days. Take it from me, it gets better, a lot better, but you have to experience the rain before the flowers can grow..
- Let yourself be sad – I think one of the biggest mistakes people can make after coming out of a serious relationship is trying to act like they are okay. Putting on a mask and trying to function like normal, not only shouts out to the world “I AM NOT OKAY REALLY I AM JUST DESPERATELY TRYING TO PRETEND LIFE IS FINE WITHOUT HER/HIM BUT REALLY I AM A CRAZY MESS INSIDE”… but it can also be very detrimental to your future self. If you are unable to accept the tidal wave of emotions hurtling your way and ride it as best you can, instead trying to keep the waves out, you are eventually going to unleash a pretty angry storm on yourself. Right now your whole world has just flipped upside down, someone who you thought was your everything (because at one point, they were) is no longer a part of your life. It is physically and emotionally traumatic, a trauma that needs facing head on. Cry it out. Cry for days on end alone in bed, because that’s what you probably want to do right now. Eventually, you’ll be able to wake up one day and eat before shedding your first tear, that’s when you know you are healing..
- Do not blame yourself – in the days following your breakup your emotions are running incredibly high, you are in that “fight or flight” mode which is currently in “fight” over drive. You have ten thousand thoughts running through your mind about how you can fix this mess, what you could have done differently and what you can do to change this outcome. This often leads to you glossing over your partners screaming flaws and blaming yourself for everything that went wrong. Focus on the whole picture and remember if they were that perfect, you’d still be with them now..
- Look for the lessons – you know what’s great about an experience like a breakup? You are most likely going to end up a better person for it. The lessons may not be obvious at the beginning of the breakup but they are there, waiting to be found. You will learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible, what kind of character you are, what your weaknesses are, what your strengths are, how you deal with tough times, how you deal with another persons emotions, you will learn about what you want in your future, what you are willing to accept and not accept. The lessons are there, trust me
- Look after yourself – I know you are at a stage where you have no appetite unless it is for alcohol and garlic bread… The thought of a healthy meal turns your stomach and you are seriously considering taking up smoking again. Bathing, what’s that? Looking after yourself is very important in the initial stages after a break up.. You will eventually start feeling better and then regret the fact you now look unhealthily thin and haven’t washed your hair in a long time. You need to keep fighting, keep being the best version of yourself because one day you will wake up feeling ready to take on the world again, so make sure you are physically ready.
- Cut ALL contact – I am sure by now you have heard of this ever so famous “no contact rule”.. i kind of hate this “rule” label as it insinuates you are just temporarily following a rule that eventually you’ll break anyway. What I want you to do is just focus on everything and everyone else in your life rather than contacting this ex of yours.. why? Because they do not deserve anymore of your time wasted on them. Your life is about to move on into many beautiful places and the last thing you want to do is keep yourself stuck in time by continually reverting back to talking to this one person who treated you not very well (in the end).. After periods of no contact you feel refreshed, you have cut that drug addiction type feeling of speaking to someone you spoke to every single day for a very long time, you can then start moving on..
- NOW CHASE YOUR DREAMS – Think about it, you are now single, the last thing you want to do right now is jump to another partner (well, I didn’t anyway, i’d rather wait until I am ready and then the perfect person will come into my life) You have all this spare time which some of it could be used to make your dreams and goals you have always wanted to achieve a reality. Wake up one day and thank the heavens above (and me) that this break up DID happen, that you mustered up the energy, plugged all of your emotions and time into chasing the ultimate goals you had. I am, and I am succeeding and I couldn’t be more thankful of fate. Yes, it is sad, you once loved this person, but if you are so capable of loving someone so much then you must remember you will be able to do it again, with someone much more suited to you, much more deserving of you and meanwhile you’ll be living your ultimate GOALS AF lifestyle because you made them your reality!
I hope this has somewhat helped you and if it did don’t forget to leave me a comment letting me know! I also have a YouTube video about getting through a breakup which you should go check out HERE
Muchos love xxx